This is NOT Over

Monday Oct 16, 1989 A Kiss to Build a Fuck On

Hardly. But E`{` and I managed to occupy ourselves until 6 in the morning. Slept about two hours. I felt a kiss on my forehead, I prayed that it wasn’t Buttweasle. It wasn’t. E`{` dressed, and made herself pretty. Pretty in the morning without makeup is pretty important to me. That is when I am most sober and most likely to remember how someone looks.

She said something like, “I am going swimming. Call you later. Thanks for the sleepover.”

Thank you, girl.

Last night I got the sense that E`{` is a virgin so then the problem should be clear. How long or how well can I keep a relationship going without the prospect of sex? If I am right, and she is a virgin I am not going to be the guy that tries to unvirgin her and I am serious about this. I’ve never defuckingflowered a person over twenty before and it should be clear why. If I was a virgin that long and the possibility of giving it up to someone like me came along I’d run a hundred miles away before the thought crossed my mind a second time.

Honestly, I am just not man enough yet for something like that. I’m 164 pounds soaking wet. My hair weighs more than the rest of me. Hey, this isn’t self-deprecation. If I am going to write this stuff down here I might as well be serious about myself, if nowhere else, at least in these pages.

The point here with E`{` then is we are going to have to find ways to keep things interesting without making things get real interesting. What? We can keep talking. That seems to work pretty well. A rabbit named Melvin. That’s about the cutest fucking thing I ever heard.

Who needs sex if she has more fucked up stories like that?

Back to this virgin thing? E`{` appears to be a virgin, Little Miss D is a virgin….How’d I get to know all these virgins all of a sudden?...when I am single myself nonetheless? Come on people, this is university. Let’s get these things taken care of, at least before you meet me.

See. No one wants to lose their virginity to a guy like me. Hell, no one should lose their car keys around me and ask me to help them find said keys. I’m even more useless at that kind of thing.

History 417, skipped POLS, went to work…totally bored the whole time…

Took E`{` to Tom and Jerry’s before meeting Bill at KDI. E`{` hung out while we did the show. She picked some cool records to play and definitely helped the cause. Good, short show. A big part of its goodness was its shortness. Walked E`{` home at 2am. She looked tired. I was tired. I kissed her at the door and didn’t even try to get in the apartment. I don’t know if it made me look like a gentleman or just a poor dumb jerk who was tired. Either way, I walked my tired and jerky ass all the way back to Douglass Hall in the dark.

Smoked half a cigarette while sitting on my bed waiting for sleep. Dropped it in a half filled pop can and listened to it fizzle out. Head on pillow and…gone.