This is NOT Over

Tuesday January 16, 1990 Someone Should Judge Me

Buttweasle didn't come back at all yesterday. I made our room smell puke-free for nothing. He came back late this afternoon. Good to see my friend. He never fails to remind me of normal and almost happy things. I wonder why someone would need to be reminded of such stuff?

Found money for good whiskey. Actually I think Megs left it on my desk when we talked about, and subsequently decided against ordering pizza for delivery. That's paranoia when you are afraid of pizza guys in this town.

I kept her money and took it as payment for the room. She came up here to hide and do something she knows that many of our friends, loved ones, whatever would find upsetting. She knows that if Ronnie found out about this visit, he would give me more trouble than I could handle whether it was my idea or not, whether I partook in anything with Megs or not. He'd probably bloody my face just for being there while his sister hid out in my room.

If it sounds fucked up, it probably is. But I never judge Megs, Ronnie and Jimmy and their sister. Those poor kids lost their dad not too many years ago and I am sure nothing was ever the same for them after that. My life is easy compared to theirs. My troubles are mostly brought on by me, not powers beyond my control, or mystery or whatever.

I don't judge but I am perfectly happy to take money left behind by my crapped-out friend and consider it payment for hosting bad behavior.

Someone should judge me.

Yeeesh, let's hope it doesn't come to that.