This is NOT Over
Here is a life in desperate need of a rimshotApril 24, 2012
Tuesday April 24, 1990 Almost
Total Victory
SOX lost today. They’ve lost their last four and nothing
seems to be going right. That is
baseball and that is the blues. Two
things in one sentence I really only pretend to understand.
When Frisch sat in on the
POLS Floor Class, the best thing he said was, “The beginning of wisdom is
wonder.” So maybe instead of acting like
I know things like baseball or the blues I should begin with wonder. I should ask myself what attracts me to these
things, why I think they are great or noble or worthwhile in the absence of
something better.
But I’ll probably just go on
pretending that I know something about them.
At least I know this is a defect.
Megs called again. This time she was not crying. She was pissed. She is sure that Note is screwing around on
her, and the fucked up thing is she tried to tell me that he is doing it with
my ex. If Megs is uber-paranoid and
wants to draw me into her world of substance-fueled paranoia, well it fucking
worked!
They do know each other.
I called PSBFH twice. No answer.
Can’t and don’t want to remember the last time I called her and then
called right back with no answer. That’s
no way to live for her or me. The only
person who wins is Mother Fucking Bell.
If PSBFH is fucking Note,
that’s one step closer to being rich which is what she wants to be. Whether she’s just blowing me off or starting
something with another guy, I have to be fine with that even if it is with one
of my so-called friends. Bastard! Seriously, if there’s one thing I am
beginning to learn in this life it is when I don’t have a choice.
Walked to the
Candlelight. It was a Tuesday so it was
just Pete and me. He poured the whiskey
I drank it. I got existentially drunk. Tried to walk home but ended up sleeping at a
bus stop. At least I had enough
self-control not to humiliate myself in front of or on the phone with
PSBFH. For me, that is almost a complete
victory.
posted by edP # 9:26 AM 
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