This is NOT Over

Here is a life in desperate need of a rimshot

May 05, 2012

Saturday May 5, 1990 Bill and Roger and Me and Me

Ate lunch with AM. She said, “Sarah is with my family tonight. I need to go out and do something vulgar. What do you think?”

I think I was honored she made this declaration to me during our lunch so I said, “I’m honored, I think.”

Fucked off the afternoon. Then Bill and me went to see Roger and Me.

If half the stuff in that movie is even partly for real (and not “put on” for the cameras) then things are twice as bad for industrial America than I originally thought. Bear in mind that any assessments I make tend to begin with the position that things are, in general, pointing down.

It’s a stupid position, but then I am a stupid man. Actually the position is as venerable as it is stupid which probably makes it even more stupid. There may be a sense in which people in general think things are going down the tubes in their time, no matter what that time may be or how good/bad things were before their time. So maybe it’s not me. Maybe everyone is stupid. That is my one great hope.

After Roger And Me, Bill and me picked up AM. We got our silly and lily white asses over to Andy’s to see Howard and the White Boys. While that band has accomplished more in music than I have, everything they do is sort of the same. Every song, original or cover comes off as just above competent with no chance of anything spectacular ever happening at one of their shows. I came to the show because Amy and Marie love the band and because AM wanted to do something vulgar. Those girls do vulgar with style and can probably help my friend accomplish her goals expressed earlier in the day. At bottom, AM is a classy girl who deserves vulgarity of the highest quality.

Anyhow, we got her really, really, really drunk. That was either not enough “reallys” or one “really too many. As per usual, I was too drunk to have my account be considered trustworthy. I am also too illiterate to invoke appropriate adjectives and try to insert “reallys” in the hope they convey something.

I really should stop with the self-criticism. It is annoying to even me now. I will try to eliminate some of the self-deprecation….beginning…now.

Back to the story. Everybody got drunk and AM was extra drunk. Too drunk for me to deal with at the bar. I’m usually too drunk for me to deal with at the bar and I can’t handle too of us. Bill took her home. He is still the greatest man.

I wanted to assess my chances of possible vulgarities with Amy, or at least try to find out what happened in my room the other night. I went to the bar to get a round for Aim Dog and Marnie and got waylaid by Note and some of his friends on the way back to our table. I didn’t even think to ask him about Megs or PSBFH or really anything. I was completely focused on the person I wanted to be focused on at the bar…me and my sad desire.

Did I already violate my new self-deprecation rule?

By the time I got back to the table, Amy was at the other end of the bar kissing some guy.

Between sets I talked to the guy who was the piano guy for Howard and the White Boys. He was filling in for one of the regular White Boys that night. I figured that out because he was black. Usually Howard is the only black guy with the White Boys. I’m not judging anyone or anything. It is just an observation. The fill-in guy was also better than anyone I’ve seen play with that band. He claimed that his main gig was being the fill-in piano guy for Buddy Guy. He was the best musician I’ve ever seen close up and has to take as many part-time gigs as possible and ends up talking to jerks like me in jerk bars like this. Maybe the blues is even rougher than it looks. But I have my own problems.

Went back to our table one last time and Amy was still kissing that guy. I’m pretty sure it was the same guy. I went and drank someplace else. Then I drank at the Candlelight. Then I pointed myself toward the stupid dorms. Then I got a hold of AM. Then something that really should not have happened, happened.

I think.

posted by edP # 9:12 AM

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This is NOT Over

May 05, 2012

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